The media reckoning has led to a flurry of new internal diversity, equity and inclusion initiatives and corporate self-assessment of racial and ethnic representation of staff across most major media outlets. But without the support and resources needed for employees of color to do a job well, it’s all hot air.
In the latest installment of our Confessions series, where we trade anonymity for candor, a former employee of a major digital publisher shares her experience of being the only black female director on her team – as well as a manager of the one of the company’s employee resource groups — and how she thinks black employees are often “set up for failure” in the workplace. She quit after noticing that the support and tools she requested were being denied and instead turned to her white colleagues.
This conversation has been edited and condandnsed for length and clarity.
Tell me about your experience and why you left your job.
I have been in the media for 10 years. I have experienced that a lot. But it was the worst. [The media company where I used to work] makes a big fuss about being awake, and they’re not. The saddest thing is that the black employees there know it, they see it, they say it, we all talk about it – but we can’t do anything about it. There is nothing being done.
When did you start noticing problems at work?
I was brought to do a specific job and I never had this opportunity. In the first 90 days, I knew I needed support, more tools and technology – for myself and for the team. I oversaw the largest portfolio. My own boss – before she quit a few months after I was there – told me: this job is inhumanly possible for one person. So I asked if there was a budget for the assistants. I asked: Can I have a coordinator? An intern? I was told no, there is no budget. But my colleagues got what they wanted. When the company went through a reorganization while I was there, two of my white colleagues had managers report directly to them and I never got one. And I had the biggest wallet. Another employee was promoted twice in her first year and also got a manager. A course has been created for my colleagues. Did they make a path for me? No. They cried and they got what they wanted. Black women, we can’t cry. If women of color cry, we are seen as weak.
You weren’t getting the same resources as your white colleagues?
Seven months into my role, I remember telling my boss that my entire network could only get 20% from me. I am not able to do a good job. I can’t concentrate because I’m in back-to-back meetings from 9am to 6pm, five days a week. I would like to lie. On the days when I had a break, I was so exhausted that I couldn’t concentrate. And I was so transparent. I told my superiors about it in advance. I told them: I need help. They excluded me. One of my white colleagues told me that she vouched for me and that I should get a [manager to directly report to me], and not her. When she got a manager, she said I don’t know why I got one – I don’t need one. She even told me: you don’t need just one, you need three. My colleague’s voices have been heard. They were valued. When it came to me, it was like I was invisible.
Who did you turn to for help?
When I arrived, I had bi-weekly meetings with the head of DE&I. He was aware of all of this. But he couldn’t do anything about it. It’s not his fault. Let’s be realistic. What can DE&I really do? He had no power to do anything. He was a sounding board and a cheerleader to me. He told my team before I came on board to give me the same support they give their white employees. I could have continued to do the work if I had had the support, the fairness and the tools to succeed. DE&I is a facade. It’s a way of saying “Hey guys, look at us. We are doing something. They don’t actually use it as a decent tool to dig into those departments with predominantly white people.
You mentioned that you could have contributed to the company in other ways if you hadn’t been so exhausted. Did you feel that about the ERG you were part of?
I was really dedicated to it and wanted to do more. But every time I asked to be part of [other initiatives at the company], my bosses would say: do whatever you need to do first, then do it. My two bosses didn’t appreciate [my role at the ERG]. There was not a day in my one-on-one meetings where they asked me about ERG. They never talked about it. I don’t think it matters to them. Some companies see it as an extracurricular activity.
What made you finally quit your job?
I wanted to see if they could create a pathway for a black employee like they do for non-black employees. I just wanted to see if they would. So many people have been hired, and when new bosses come in, you see new roles created for them. They didn’t do that for me. [I wanted] to see if they were going to treat me like they treat their non-black employees. I saw no. Racial discrimination and systemic racism are real at [this media company]. I saw that when anything I asked for my white colleagues received, I asked for it before they did. I was so honest. My colleagues all knew what I was going through. I told my new boss: I’m sinking. I’m drowning. But they considered it, she can’t do the job and that’s why she sinks.
Earlier you mentioned a moment that you called “the last straw”. Can you tell me what happened?
[The media company] was launching an HBCU initiative. It was straw for me. I graduated from an HBCU. But for this whole initiative, I was never included. It was then that it became apparent that I was invisible to one of my bosses, who was overseeing this initiative. It was a painful feeling. The person running it was a person of color, but she didn’t go to an HBCU and she wasn’t black. I was giving her ideas because she didn’t know what to do. I only stayed [as long as I did] for the head of DE&I — he [believed] it would be better.
What do you want people to take away from your experience?
There are other people of color who are interested in media and the truth is that they are drawn to a lot of these DE&I programs that are being pushed. If I’m looking for a job and there’s this wonderful HBCU initiative, you’d think: this is a great company. These programs, these events… we know what they hide. I know when this piece comes out, the first thing a black person will say is, “Oh no, not yet.” We are tired. I am tired. People need to know what’s going on. There are other people who left because of the same thing, and nobody said anything. I hope this will get people talking.
