There are too many great advice columns to follow, so we’re committed to bringing you links to the best advice column questions and answers every week. Here’s a roundup of the most interesting, thought-provoking and surprising questions our favorite columnists have answered in recent days.
Should my husband continue to follow his employee’s NSFW social media account?
One of my husband’s employees is self-employed as a lingerie model and has an active social media presence dedicated to her intentionally racy beautiful photos. She brought this to his attention out of caution (because it’s a very different industry from their job), and he said that was his business, which was the correct response. He also follows her from his personal account. This part is weird, right? We’re all sex-positive left-handers, and I guess he sees this as a friendly/supportive gesture.
As far as I know, that’s all. But she’s also over 15 years younger than her, and he’s her immediate supervisor. I feel like she’s okay with that, although I remember being in my twenties and being “cool” with a lot of work-related interactions that, in retrospect, were not acceptable. I’m not worried about him chasing her, but at the same time, supporting your employee’s hustle doesn’t mean choosing to stare at her boobs every day, does it? Is it destined to become another story of a male boss crossing the line? What more are the rules?
[Slate]
Jenée Desmond-Harris encourages the writer of the letter to try to persuade their husband to stop following his employee’s lingerie account. “There is a difference between being a sex positive person or a friend who supports sex, and a boss who supports sex,” she writes. “And that difference was lost on your husband.” Read the rest of his answer.
Can I compel my ex-wife to give me some of the assets she got in our divorce after my cryptocurrency wallet collapsed?
I got divorced last year and as part of the financial deal, my ex-wife and I agreed that I would keep my cryptocurrency assets while she gets the lion’s share of my pension and other investments, and we split the family home. When we traded last fall, the crypto market was bullish and I was confident it would go even higher, but following the recent crash, my digital assets have more than halved. I am now much worse off than my ex and worried about my financial future. She says I have only myself to blame and will not discuss it further. Can I go to court to renegotiate our financial order?
[Financial Times via Twitter]
Lucy Warwick-Ching advises the author of the letter that a UK court is unlikely to consider the fluctuation in the value of an asset as grounds for reconsideration of a divorce settlement. “The court prefers finality wherever possible, so only allows limited circumstances in which a party can review a financial settlement,” she wrote. “If every final financial order could be reviewed in this way, then the courts would be faced with a deluge of cases seeking to reopen agreed settlements.” Read the rest of his answer.
Why isn’t my youngest step-grandchild following my cat’s Instagram account?
I am an elderly grandmother with 10 step-grandchildren, the youngest of whom is 18 and a freshman in college.
This child receives a substantial scholarship from me for her university.
Of the 10 grandchildren, she is the only one who does not follow me on my cat’s Instagram account which has over 5,000 followers.
She follows her other grandmother on Instagram, which puzzles me.
Not that I’m begging for followers, but I think it’s a charitable and loving thing to do, especially when I’ve been generous and loving towards her.
I didn’t discuss it with his mother.
Am I wrong to think that would be a loving thing for her to do?
It’s just a chat account for Pete’s sake!
[Tribune Content Agency]
Amy Dickinson advises the letter writer to ask her granddaughter directly to follow her cat’s story. “You were careful to mention your financial support for this granddaughter,” she wrote. “Are you suggesting you’re buying followers? I hope not.” Read the rest of his answer.
Why shouldn’t I be able to have a wife and a girlfriend?
I am a very successful 55 year old married man. I love my wife, but I have a girlfriend that I love too. Both women feed my soul. I hate when society tells me I’m wrong for having both. I spend quality time with both of them. I make enough money to go on expensive, extended vacations. I love my life.
These two ladies are the best thing that has ever happened to me besides my three beautiful children. Why can’t I enjoy both without feeling like I’m sneaking all the time? I know there will be opponents who will respond. But most women will probably never be the only woman in a man’s life.
[UExpress]
Abigail Van Buren observes that the author of the letter omitted his wife and girlfriend’s feelings about the arrangement. “You mentioned that you felt like you were sneaking around,” she wrote. “Why so? Doesn’t your wife agree? And what about your mistress? Read the rest of her response.
Should I call people for their false mourning after the death of my friend?
A good friend of mine passed away recently. She was beloved and very popular, so many people were devastated by her loss. Some people have chosen to cry publicly, but not me. Many of the people who publicly mourn my friend were NOT close to her while she was alive, so it’s like they were using her death for sympathy or attention. I hate to see it happen, and I know my friend would have hated it too. Should I start asking people about their false mourning?
[UExpress]
Harriette Cole advises the letter writer to focus on her own grief rather than that of others. “While they may not have been close to her like you were, it’s entirely possible that they felt a connection to her or what she meant to them,” writes- she. Read the rest of his answer.
What should my spouse and I do if we have one of our violent arguments in front of guests?
Our marriage has its ups and downs, including heated arguments. But our social life continues, and sometimes that means having guests at our house.
To date, we have never had an explosion in the middle of a rally, but I can’t say that will never happen. If so, what do you suggest we do once we have calmed down and regained our composure?
[UExpress]
Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin, and Jacobina Martin advise the letter writer to hold a truce when guests are present. “Even if you and your partner enjoy this unstable relationship, it shouldn’t be inflicted on guests,” they write. Read the rest of their response.
